At 32 weeks, after a perfect twin pregnancy with no complications, our lives took an unexpected and devastating turn. On the evening of my baby shower, my boys were delivered by emergency C-section. Finn, “my little survivor”, was born premature weighing 1.5kg’s, but otherwise completely healthy.

 

Sam, “my boy with wings” was resuscitated for 9 minutes at birth. After a long and harrowing night, Sam died the next morning in his dad’s arms. He had suffered severe blood loss caused by an undetected cord defect. We were heartbroken, to say the least. After a month in NICU, Finn finally came home – it was a bittersweet moment.

 

I wrote my story about ‘Sam and Finn’ 15 months after the twins were born. I remember sitting down to record on paper, the words which had been bouncing around in my head for months and they literally tumbled onto the page. Without realising it, I had been rehearsing what I wanted to say for so long, that before I knew it, I had my twins’ story, and mostly importantly, Sam’s message to Finn, right in front of me. Documenting Sam’s short, yet precious life was a huge relief. It made his existence ‘real’ and helped ease my very broken heart. Most importantly it gave me hope.

 

A stroke of good fortune and the help of published children’s book writer and illustrator, Alex Latimer, saw my book illustrated and printed in record time, a few days shy of Christmas. I chose to print only a few copies of the book, for each of my children and close family, which I placed as a surprise gift under the Christmas tree.

 

A few months later, I posted an electronic version of the book on a private online twin loss forum. I did so in the hope of providing comfort to other grieving families, who had over the past 2 years, provided me with so much love and understanding. The response was overwhelming.

 

When Sam died, I remember feeling so utterly alone. Like I was the only person in the world that this could possibly have happened to. My connection with twin and baby loss parents from all over the world, quickly made me realise, that this wasn’t true - that there were families in every corner of the globe trying to wade through the same murky waters of grief. I reprinted a small quantity of my book and posted it to a few families with whom I have made a special connection. Each time I parted with a copy, my heart felt a tiny bit more at peace. By sharing my twin’s story and providing some comfort to bereaved families, Sam was making his imprint on the world. His life was both real and purposeful.

 

From there, the demand for the book spread. Initially, I resisted printing further copies as my intention when writing the book was never anything more than personal. With some encouragement I decided to print and distribute the book on a wider scale in the hope of helping other bereaved families.

 

The book is now being published and dsitributed all over the world by OodleBooks, a UK based publishing house. Distribution in SA, where I live, is done by me. A percentage of  all book sales  are donated to Bliss - For Babies Born Too Soon, Too Small, Too Sick.

 

Love Kate